Anonymous asked: thank you! I'd already spoken with them about the sanitation thing, but the back-up combination lock thing is a great idea that I wouldn't have been able to think of on my own. I'm not sure who Queen Titania is (does she write for this blog, or is there somewhere else I can contact her....?) thanks again, much appreciated!
She’s my business partner, um she writes for Queerkink.
Anonymous asked: so, my play partner has brought up the idea of getting me a chastity belt that I would wear even away from them (potentially with an internal vibe that they could control remotely? I didn't think that this was possible from certain distances, but apparently it is?) and while I'm kind of interested, I have a lot of questions about the feasibility and details about this sort of thing. can you point me towards any informational resources on this? thank you so much!
Um there are USB ones… that connect to the internet, but you can’t wear those long term (they ‘re not waterproof). I would say, the main issues are
Hello everyone let me introduce myself: I am Queen Titania, a gender fluid dominatrix. I am coming to you today to talk about one of my favorite activities. Sensory deprivation is the most unadulterated fun I can have in a session, and I hope I can give everyone a few ideas on how to have fun with it and then help put a dehumanization twist on it! Sensory deprivation presents an extremely unique opportunity: the chance to instill fear in a bottom, slave or submissive without putting them in any actual danger. Successful sensory deprivation play is defined by theatrics and mental manipulation rather than physical pain or predicaments. In this one sided psychological warfare there is also an added element that few take advantage of, the ability to indulge in intense dehumanization scenes. Let us first introduce the basics of sensory deprivation before we indulge in those possibilities. Terminology also becomes important as words like “it” and “thing” convey a sense of genderless objectification that can be very powerful, especially with the mindset this play creates. It can be taken in a different direction with the use of animal names; doggy, kitty, Fido, pig, ostrich, panda, etc. Knowing your partner is important here. If they have a major fetish for objectification, robot play, drone play or feeling like a “thing” you may want to go towards animal names, and vice versa. Why? Well, if turn them on and make them feel more like themselves that is hardly dehumanizing! However, worrying about such a minor detail is a bit silly unless you are completely serious about delivering the most dehumanizing mind fuck possible. Concern yourself more with choice insults and humiliating taunts to follow up your choice of terminology and remind the subject they are below you. Of course, you could also use silence. Whether or not you have chosen to take away the submissive’s hearing silence is powerful. A person is used to being talked to. They get uncomfortable when they feel they are being ignored.
Now you have someone helpless and disoriented before you… what to do now? Re-orient them! There are two ways that seem most popular: physical sensation play and through psychological intimidation and confusion. The first temptation is usually sensation play. It is great fun to tease and confuse your partner with toys they have never experienced before or may be unable to recognize by touch alone. Objects such as vampire gloves, massage gloves and vibrators, knives, ice cubes and a variety of interesting textures can be used to tease without even making genital contact. That is not saying you should not make genital contact, however it is best built up to! A gradual progression of interesting sensations with brief strokes closer and closer to the erogenous zones builds up to a very intense reaction when you finally begin applying direct stimulation.
It is in the mystery of the unseen scratchers or horrific buzzing sound of vibrating toys that creates the specific opportunity for intense mind fucks, gender play or at the furthest extreme: dehumanization. In sensory deprivation play the perception of events is as important as the event itself. The sensations are heightened due to fear, whether it is a scratch or a noise. In this case, you are designing a scene to strip a person of their humanity.
There are many ways to achieve this, but let us discuss a “basic” scenario I have used in the past. The first step is obvious, a rather extreme form of sensory deprivation. A proper hood and mitts are your friends here. A hood with no eye holes and a zipper closure on the mouth is vital for making a person feel helpless, and the mitts make it so they well… cannot feel! From here you will want to take their gender out of the equation. There are two ways to do this, you might place a chastity belt on them… or you might simply ignore it. I find option two to work better. Option one constantly reminds them they still have a penis or a vagina because it is covered in plastic or cold metal. They might feel pain from it. Instead, we want them to feel nothing at all and to feel like we are completely unaware it exists.
There is however a slight modification that can be quite fun. Instead of immobilization, try restricting mobility. Isn’t it more fun to see them struggle or writhe in agony during a beating? So feel free to play with it! Instead of immobilizing them, make it possible for them to move a little bit. A recent session I did provided a wonderful example of why this works. The sub was covered in latex clothing for the first time, changing the way his skin felt. He had latex gloves on, and a hood that covered his eyes. From there he was placed face down on the ground, and his hands and legs were bound behind him using duct tape. He was then told to struggle and wriggle like a worm to move around. The result was quite the spectacle, a man who could barely move an inch at a time, who could not roll over and could not escape the predicament. After half an hour of blindly struggling I was left with a mentally and physically exhausted “thing.”
By giving a person a chance to fail at simple tasks you break them down. It is physically and mentally exhausting to fight back against bondage in this predicament. After taking away their senses, their name, their gender and their mobility you will be left with a broken mess on the ground ready for your manipulation. This has not been an exhaustive resource, but I think it will give you some new ideas to play with.
- By the Lovely Titania
Hello everyone let me introduce myself: I am Queen Titania, a gender fluid dominatrix. I am coming to you today to talk about one of my favorite activities. Sensory deprivation is the most unadulterated fun I can have in a session, and I hope I can give everyone a few ideas on how to have fun with it and then help put a dehumanization twist on it!
Sensory deprivation presents an extremely unique opportunity: the chance to instill fear in a bottom, slave or submissive without putting them in any actual danger. Successful sensory deprivation play is defined by theatrics and mental manipulation rather than physical pain or predicaments. In this one sided psychological warfare there is also an added element that few take advantage of, the ability to indulge in intense dehumanization scenes. Let us first introduce the basics of sensory deprivation before we indulge in those possibilities.As one might guess, sensory deprivation is at its core the handicapping of one or more of the bottom’s senses. It can begin with something as simple as a blindfold and proceed down a path of headphones, gags, mitts and full facial hoods. Taken to its extreme, sensory deprivation can revoke the ability to see, speak and hear while altering the sense of touch as well as limiting or completely removing mobility. I will admit I have never attempted to remove or alter a submissive’s sense of taste or smell. The former is simply silly while the latter is often impractical.
Terminology also becomes important as words like “it” and “thing” convey a sense of genderless objectification that can be very powerful, especially with the mindset this play creates. It can be taken in a different direction with the use of animal names; doggy, kitty, Fido, pig, ostrich, panda, etc. Knowing your partner is important here. If they have a major fetish for objectification, robot play, drone play or feeling like a “thing” you may want to go towards animal names, and vice versa. Why? Well, if turn them on and make them feel more like themselves that is hardly dehumanizing! However, worrying about such a minor detail is a bit silly unless you are completely serious about delivering the most dehumanizing mind fuck possible. Concern yourself more with choice insults and humiliating taunts to follow up your choice of terminology and remind the subject they are below you. Of course, you could also use silence. Whether or not you have chosen to take away the submissive’s hearing silence is powerful. A person is used to being talked to. They get uncomfortable when they feel they are being ignored.Movement is another key decision in the process of dehumanization. Strict, tight bondage frustrates the subject; they cannot move and thus cannot participate in the process. By in effect taking away their agency you take away a major part of their humanity. A person who cannot see, cannot speak, cannot move and can barely feel (with their hands, they still have their emotions which you can still stomp on) is barely a person anymore, right?
Before we go any further let’s define forced feminization. Forced feminization is a type of play in which the dominant “forces” the submissive to act/dress/appear in a traditionally “feminine” manner. This can include wearing “female” clothing, the application of makeup, the use of a “feminine” name, the removal/concealment of things associated with masculinity (“forced” depilation) and training on “feminine” subjects, for example a dominant might force a submissive to learn to walk in high heels. This form of play can involve dominants and submissives of any combination of genders, sexes, and usual level of butch and/or femme-ness, with the goal of having the submissive be more “femme” by the end of the scene than at the start of the scene.
Sometimes it can also include play involving the sex of the submissive. This is usually but not always “forcing” a non-female identified submissive to imitate body characteristics traditionally associated with femaleness, such as tucking back the penis should the submissive have one, or the use of breast forms on the submissive.
Forced feminization is a complicated kink, and a mine-field of anti-femme bullshit, transphobic bullshit, misogynistic bullshit, and homophobic bullshit… but despite some of the more unfortunate implications it can have it’s a popular fantasy and can actually be really progressive and obviously can be a fun way to blend gender play with BDSM. It’s important to remember that gender play isn’t just for straight and/or cis people. In some ways being comfortable enough with our gender to break out of our gender role, to play with it sexually, to present and perform in unexpected ways can be (for people who enjoy it and are comfortable with it) a really freeing experience. If a trans woman gets off on strapping it on it doesn’t make her less of a woman, if a trans man gets off on wearing panties it doesn’t make him less of a man, if a non-binary person gets off on wearing attire very associated with a binary gender it doesn’t make them less non-binary. Of course for a lot of people this is a delicate area of play, being misgendered and dealing with people’s shitty attitudes can make the use of gender in play tricky at best, and turn forced feminization into a nightmare rather than a fantasy. For other people playing with gender can be a way to reclaim parts of the self, work through aspects of one’s gender, and/or deal with painful experiences surrounding gender.
So, now let’s talk about how all this can interact with social structures, misogyny and the rest.
On the one hand you can think of forced feminization as based around the idea that femininity is inferior, or somehow inherently degrading. Well, personally I say enough of that second wave noise. Despite the fact that one can interpret forced feminization as a way of reenforcing the “masculinity = dominance/activity” and “femininity = submission/passivity” paradigm or interpret it as a statement about how either femininity is humiliating, or being a non-woman in “women’s” clothing is humiliating, I would say those are over simplifications. Which is not to say there aren’t people who use this as a shitty passive aggressive way to enforce exactly those things, but those aren’t the only ways to interpret it.
In a more progressive and positive light one could say forced feminization play for some people, can be a form of forced bravery play, or forced honesty play, with a submissive who due to internalized misogyny and anti-femme messages from the larger culture has suppressed whatever femme qualities they happen to have.
Being “forced” to wear the heels you secretly want to wear anyway can be a really great way for a submissive to learn to accept that they want to wear heels.
I’m genderqueer/genderfluid, I don’t always feel female, but I’m always very femme. I’m also actively involved in feminism and have been interested in it since I was a child. Being female assigned at birth I’ve dealt with shame and discomfort surrounding my femme-ness, both in terms of my gender identity and in terms of my politics.
I grew up in the nineties, a time when “girl power” reigned supreme, and I was told I was weak and too “girly” because I preferred playing barbies to playing soccer and because I preferred skirts and (later) heels to jeans and sneakers, and it took me a really long time to realize that belief in equality and the rights of women were not inherently opposed to my liking lipstick. I remember actually having an argument about cosmetics with a writing teacher of mine, and similar arguments about fashion and so on with other teachers. No one ever told me my femininity didn’t automatically disqualify me from viewing myself as a feminist (with the exception of my parents).
Later as I hit puberty I realized I wasn’t straight, which was another problem for me navigating my natural tendency to be feminine in society. I was sick of being invisible as a dyke, and sick of being seen as hopping on the homosexuality bandwagon (back then I identified as bisexual, and then pansexual… though technically neither made sense as a label for me) and so I desperately tried to butch it up, I cut off my hair (something I honestly really didn’t want to do) and dressed differently. Shortly thereafter I began to realize that I wasn’t entirely female, but that I still didn’t feel butch. I longed to be androgynous in makeup. I went through intense periods of dysphoria, and yet no one would listen to me about my gender identity because it wasn’t wholly male, and because I wore about five pounds of makeup all the time.
It took me a lot of time to deal with the idea that my femininity, my flamboyance, and my love of makeup invalidated my gender, my sexuality, and my politics, and to allow myself to be who I really am deep down.
Not only all this, but being femme, especially as flamboyantly femme as I personally am wont to be, attracts attention. It makes one a target for sexual comments (especially from men) more than “butch” attire, it leads to being stereotyped in certain ways more than more neutral attire, and on people who are read as male it often draws derision and insult.
Basically, because of a stew of societal hang ups, it takes courage to put on that lipstick and slide into that dress because of what people might think of us. Having someone force us into the dress and lipstick can be pleasurable because it takes the responsibility off us for a moment, as well giving us (in a strange way) the sense that what we’re doing is ok.
Forced feminization can be an outlet for that repressed femme part of our personality, or a way of helping a sub develop the courage to be their whole self, a reminder that femininity doesn’t invalidate any other part of their identity, or even a way of “humiliating” a sub for their lack of self acceptance, and enforcing the importance of having the courage to be themselves.
The part that’s a little harder to navigate in a positive way is when body parts get involved (E.G. where boobs are suddenly a part of feminization, or not having a cock is a requirement) or when it involves actually misgendering someone (E.G. intentionally using the wrong pronouns for erotic effect). In terms of the first element it can be a way of again doing something the submissive wants to do (have boobs, or not have a cock, etc) but doesn’t have the courage to do themselves without someone pushing. In terms of actual misgendering, I think that can be chalked up to eroticized fear. Sometimes it can be oddly comforting to hear what one fears hearing most in a safe and controlled environment, being misgendered is something very unpleasant to experience so hearing it in a safe environment can in an odd way lessen the impact (for some people) when/if it actually happens and lessen the sense of dread it causes.
Of course there’s also the option of “forcing” someone to be the gender thet feel themselves to actually be, which again brings up the “force” as way to supplement courage, and way to reduce fear of social stigma.
Obviously no one should be actually shamed for being closeted or having discomfort surrounding their identity, but being pushed towards self acceptance in a D/s context can be very valuable.
In essence forced feminization can mean a lot of things, it really depends on how one looks at it.
Anonymous asked: My girlfriend and I have been doing some roleplaying, and a favorite is prison guard/prisoner or something of the like. We were wondering if you guys could help us compile a list of punishments/penance to do to the prisoner/for the prisoner to do. Thank you. With or without toys, both are acceptable, and we're willing to try anything. ;)
Now, this isn’t a poly focused blog, it’s poly friendly, but it’s not generally a blog about poly. I’m not poly (my partner and I are sexually open, but we don’t have other relationships) and so don’t feel qualified to write about it generally, however having had a reasonable amount of experience with menage au trois (or more) I decided to come up with a list of roleplay dynamics for three people (largely these will be gender neutral)