greetings! it’s kind of me again. i’m a kinky queer. to be specific in the least vague way i can, i’m a 20yr old baby of a switch. sometime early in november, i had the local kink community basically fall into i’m lap in another one of the improbably-convenient and lucky cosmic coincidences that seem to occur so often in my life. i’ve discovered since this bizarre adventure began into the wonderful world of bdsm that i am a switch, a very heavy bottom, and will probably be correspondingly heavy as a top… although i only acquired my first (pretty light) co-topping experience this past saturday. i’m kind of on a neat crash course in bdsm. now that i’m actively exploring my kinky side, i am seeking advice from experienced folks! FIRST, d/s relationship advice: i am usually not a very submissive person whatsoever. i’m wild and fierce and a streetrat and i just don’t deal with bullshit if i don’t think i absolutely have to. it’s just not my personality. last week i broke up with the first official “boyfriend” i’ve ever had. i’ve been in all of one technically-committed romantic relationship aside from that one, and it was with my first girlfriend in 9th grade. he was my first romantic partner in six years and my first dom ever. he gave me his “collar of consideration” and i was to be his primary sub, even if it never really developed from the theory stage into reality. all of the submissive aspects of my personality flared with incredible strength for him, and still do to some extende. i do love him, or at least still care about him. i was in love with him. i fell fast, but i can tell when i’ve truly fallen fast, deep, AND true, and i did with him. for various reasons, i needed to end our relationship, but he’s very upset, hurt, sad, angry, and feels betrayed/abandoned, etc… so my instincts of devotion and compassion that i gave him really tempt me to just beg forgiveness and run back to him to/for comfort, even though i have no doubt whatsoever that i made the best decision for both of us. feedback and support of my ongoing resistance, please! SECOND, kinky activity advice: what do you consider to be staples in kinkster’s toybag? any recommendations for initial acquisitions? if it helps at all, i will be topping and bottoming, and i know i reeeally like floggers, whips, canes, cuffs, ballgags, dragon-tails, and riding crops. i bought a (nylon, maybe?) signal-/buggy-whip and a leather riding crop from a local tack shop, and i was recently given a ballgag that serves well for a n00b such as myself, but i want to start building my toybag so i can practice and play more without having to mooch so much and stay limited to good beatings when i attend the occasional play party. i know i absolutely must buy myself a strap-on harness and i’ve already decided to get the “minx” by aslan whenever i finally manage to save up enough cash, but would you suggest getting a more affordable harness geared toward harness virgins? and i have never even experienced any kind activity with a dildo of any sort… should i remedy this? what about nipple/genital clamps, bondage rope, anal plugs/beads, pinwheels, needles? I’M JUST AN EXCITED BABY KINKSTER, BRIGHT-EYED AND BUSHY-TAILED AND EAGER TO LEARN. THIRD, queerkink advice related to “REAL LIFE” in vanilla land: i recently auditioned at a strip club…and as someone who went from ED and body-dysmorphic to completely, unabashedly nude-whenever-the-fuck-i-feel-like-it in just the past three months since receiving my first beating, i think bdsm deserves some emphatic ‘fuck yeahs’ for the wonders it can work on crap body image. after auditioning, i decided on the stage-name “feral” to go with the edgy bullshit i know others see in me. i really enjoy dancing and i like going from sweet, polite, and borderline-timid to predatory, dark, and a sexy ice-queen, but i live in a part of NC where it turns out there’s not much of a market in stripping for grrrls who are perceived to be kinky wild dykes with piercings and dyke-hawks to match their unusual and “boyish” (boi-ish!) attitude, etc. i worked my first eight-hour shift last week. i had even switched my monkier to “minx” in hopes of being a little bit more club-appropriate, but during my first set on stage a drunk dude walked up to the stage from his group of grody middle-aged bros hanging with bros. he referred to me as “scary girl.” i had danced to no doubt’s “just a girl” and apparently still seemed “scary.” it was a total surprise and morale-crusher! on top of the lack of appeal i have to the customers, i do have an intense fondness for receiving beatings with single-tails and stingy floggers and canes, etc etc etc, which leave me with a lot of distinct marks. i had hoped it would add to my appeal as “exotic” or whatever sexy bullshit comes along with that in the customers’ minds, but alas, it seems not. so, basically, i want to ask how you, madeira, got established as a pro domme (or however you prefer to identify within your job) and if you have any suggestions for commonly kink-friendly jobs (“normal” stuff or adult-industry things), etc. or any input in general. and useful resources for toys, info, and so forth? if either of you make your own toys, info/resources on that? IN CONCLUSION: i’m on fetlife.com, so please let me know if either of you are too so maybe we can be buds if that’s appealing. and i’m wondering if there are other online kink-focused sites? and radical-y queer sites, too! ah, fuck. i’m sorry if this is just like bombarding the blog with massive amounts of randomness and advice-needing. please do not feel obligated to address all of these little inquiries, and definitely not all at once, or even coherently and not just bullet-pointed. it’s because i truly respect you, madeira, and consider you to be a positive, progressive, well-informed, and constructively helpful person, that i come to you with all this craziness. and, if you’re reading this as well, vonka, i think you’re pretty fucking rad and want your brainblasts fired back at this… and if vonka doesn’t actually read this, please pass along my words of admiration! SO YEAH. THANKS. Y’ALL ARE MY HEROES. :D fondest regards, mia

keepshitreal asked: greetings! it's kind of me again. i'm a kinky queer. to be specific in the least vague way i can, i'm a 20yr old baby of a switch. sometime early in november, i had the local kink community basically fall into i'm lap in another one of the improbably-convenient and lucky cosmic coincidences that seem to occur so often in my life. i've discovered since this bizarre adventure began into the wonderful world of bdsm that i am a switch, a very heavy bottom, and will probably be correspondingly heavy as a top... although i only acquired my first (pretty light) co-topping experience this past saturday. i'm kind of on a neat crash course in bdsm.

now that i'm actively exploring my kinky side, i am seeking advice from experienced folks!

FIRST, d/s relationship advice:
i am usually not a very submissive person whatsoever. i'm wild and fierce and a streetrat and i just don't deal with bullshit if i don't think i absolutely have to. it's just not my personality. last week i broke up with the first official "boyfriend" i've ever had. i've been in all of one technically-committed romantic relationship aside from that one, and it was with my first girlfriend in 9th grade. he was my first romantic partner in six years and my first dom ever. he gave me his "collar of consideration" and i was to be his primary sub, even if it never really developed from the theory stage into reality. all of the submissive aspects of my personality flared with incredible strength for him, and still do to some extende. i do love him, or at least still care about him. i was in love with him. i fell fast, but i can tell when i've truly fallen fast, deep, AND true, and i did with him. for various reasons, i needed to end our relationship, but he's very upset, hurt, sad, angry, and feels betrayed/abandoned, etc... so my instincts of devotion and compassion that i gave him really tempt me to just beg forgiveness and run back to him to/for comfort, even though i have no doubt whatsoever that i made the best decision for both of us. feedback and support of my ongoing resistance, please!

SECOND, kinky activity advice:
what do you consider to be staples in kinkster's toybag? any recommendations for initial acquisitions? if it helps at all, i will be topping and bottoming, and i know i reeeally like floggers, whips, canes, cuffs, ballgags, dragon-tails, and riding crops. i bought a (nylon, maybe?) signal-/buggy-whip and a leather riding crop from a local tack shop, and i was recently given a ballgag that serves well for a n00b such as myself, but i want to start building my toybag so i can practice and play more without having to mooch so much and stay limited to good beatings when i attend the occasional play party. i know i absolutely must buy myself a strap-on harness and i've already decided to get the "minx" by aslan whenever i finally manage to save up enough cash, but would you suggest getting a more affordable harness geared toward harness virgins? and i have never even experienced any kind activity with a dildo of any sort... should i remedy this? what about nipple/genital clamps, bondage rope, anal plugs/beads, pinwheels, needles? I'M JUST AN EXCITED BABY KINKSTER, BRIGHT-EYED AND BUSHY-TAILED AND EAGER TO LEARN.

THIRD, queerkink advice related to "REAL LIFE" in vanilla land:
i recently auditioned at a strip club...and as someone who went from ED and body-dysmorphic to completely, unabashedly nude-whenever-the-fuck-i-feel-like-it in just the past three months since receiving my first beating, i think bdsm deserves some emphatic 'fuck yeahs' for the wonders it can work on crap body image. after auditioning, i decided on the stage-name "feral" to go with the edgy bullshit i know others see in me. i really enjoy dancing and i like going from sweet, polite, and borderline-timid to predatory, dark, and a sexy ice-queen, but i live in a part of NC where it turns out there's not much of a market in stripping for grrrls who are perceived to be kinky wild dykes with piercings and dyke-hawks to match their unusual and "boyish" (boi-ish!) attitude, etc. i worked my first eight-hour shift last week. i had even switched my monkier to "minx" in hopes of being a little bit more club-appropriate, but during my first set on stage a drunk dude walked up to the stage from his group of grody middle-aged bros hanging with bros. he referred to me as "scary girl." i had danced to no doubt's "just a girl" and apparently still seemed "scary." it was a total surprise and morale-crusher! on top of the lack of appeal i have to the customers, i do have an intense fondness for receiving beatings with single-tails and stingy floggers and canes, etc etc etc, which leave me with a lot of distinct marks. i had hoped it would add to my appeal as "exotic" or whatever sexy bullshit comes along with that in the customers' minds, but alas, it seems not. so, basically, i want to ask how you, madeira, got established as a pro domme (or however you prefer to identify within your job) and if you have any suggestions for commonly kink-friendly jobs ("normal" stuff or adult-industry things), etc. or any input in general. and useful resources for toys, info, and so forth? if either of you make your own toys, info/resources on that?

IN CONCLUSION:
i'm on fetlife.com, so please let me know if either of you are too so maybe we can be buds if that's appealing. and i'm wondering if there are other online kink-focused sites? and radical-y queer sites, too!

ah, fuck. i'm sorry if this is just like bombarding the blog with massive amounts of randomness and advice-needing. please do not feel obligated to address all of these little inquiries, and definitely not all at once, or even coherently and not just bullet-pointed. it's because i truly respect you, madeira, and consider you to be a positive, progressive, well-informed, and constructively helpful person, that i come to you with all this craziness. and, if you're reading this as well, vonka, i think you're pretty fucking rad and want your brainblasts fired back at this... and if vonka doesn't actually read this, please pass along my words of admiration!

SO YEAH. THANKS. Y'ALL ARE MY HEROES. :D

fondest regards,
mia

You made a good choice there, if the relationship doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, and a D/s relationship is like any other. D/s relationships tend to be emotionally intense, and if the relationship wasn’t working it’s best to terminate it before it got more intense. As well, you’re new to the scene, you may want to play casually and play the field before you settle into a serious D/s relationship.
Well, as a huge toy enthusiast here’s what I’d say. For one, unless you’re properly trained in needle play by an experienced dominant, you’re going to want to avoid that one for now. For other toys, I’d recommend a couple of basic floggers ideally in leather, a wartenburg wheel, a blindfold, a set of nipple clamps, a gag you can sterilize easily, some restraint cuffs, and you’ll probably want cotton rope with a width of 1/4 to 1/2 an inch, you can obtain cotton rope on amazon. Doc Johnson’s bondage rope is actually pretty good. As for dildos, yes, yes you should. Here are my recommended harnesses and basic kink toy options:
As for work, well I established myself by advertising on sites like collarme, and just… going for it. As for stripping, yeah, whip marks are generally (unfortunately) not a selling point, especially not in markets like NC. I’d recommend perhaps looking into working in an adult toy shop (as they’re fairly kink friendly), bookstore, tending bar at a LGBTQ joint, or if you educate yourself thoroughly enough in kink (it’ll probably take some time to get there) even a kink educator. You could also look into working in an administrative capacity at a strip club. I’m sure you’re fucking gorgeous, but well North Carolina’s probably not the place where your unique (and if you ask me, awesome) look will be most appreciated.