Queer Kink

Menage Au Trois: Some Roleplay Ideas For Three

Now, this isn’t a poly focused blog, it’s poly friendly, but it’s not generally a blog about poly. I’m not poly (my partner and I are sexually open, but we don’t have other relationships) and so don’t feel qualified to write about it generally, however having had a reasonable amount of experience with menage au trois (or more) I decided to come up with a list of roleplay dynamics for three people (largely these will be gender neutral)

1. Teacher/good student/bad student: The teacher can punish the bad student with the help of the good student, or the bad student can “abuse” the good student raising the ire of the teacher.
2. Puppeteer/Marionettes (or director/actors): The puppeteer can force the marionettes into lewd acts together, manipulating as they wish.
3. Nanny(or parental figure)/little/toy: The nanny can “give” a player as a toy to a partner playing the part of the little, the resulting exuberant energy and play make for an interesting dynamic.
4. Royalty and servant: two dominants take the role of royals and the third party takes the role of servant, the two dominants can both make conflicting orders for a fun mind fuck or simply take terms castigating the “ill behaved” servant.
5. Slave Trader/Slave/Potential Buyer: The slave trader can show the submissive off, putting them through their paces, and the buyer can put them through a humiliating “inspection” type process
6. Rockstar/manager/groupie: The rockstar can laise around being irresponsible/ordering about the manager, while the manager delivers the groupie to the rockstar and has to order the groupie about/gives the groupie orders to better please the rockstar.
7. Animal/Animal groom/Animal’s Owner: The groom is put in charge of the “animal’s” maintenance, making sure the animal stays where its supposed to/looks neat and tidy/is fed at the risk of punishment by the owner.  The groom can be given authority to punish the animal, or the owner can be over protective and dote upon the animal and not allow the groom to punish it.  The animal of course can behave in a difficult manner and make life hard for the groom.
8. Dungeon Owner/”victim”/Ghost: In this scenario the dungeon owner is torturing a helpless victim, but there’s a “ghost” in the dungeon.  The dungeon owner and the victim pretend they cannot see the ghost, and the ghost can do whatever it likes, helping the victim, by perhaps untying their bonds, or hiding toys from the dungeon owner, or cause the victim pain, by doing things like insulting the dungeon owner, thus encouraging them to inflict more pain upon the “victim”
9. Doctor/Nurse/Patient: A kinky doctor and nurse preform a variety of evil procedures upon a reluctant patient.  The nurse obviously assists the doctor in doing whatever the doctor wants.
10. Aliens Probing a victim: Aliens from outer space conduct research upon a subject.
11. Doll/Dollmaker/Customer: The doll is almost finished however the customer has some custom specifications they want on their toy, the doll maker enacts these upon the doll.  You might do tight lacing, temporary or permanent piercings, or similar modifications for the purpose of play.
12. Criminal/Hostage/Hero: The scene starts with the criminal molesting the hostage, this can go on as long as the players should like, but then the hero bursts in with a toy weapon, the hero over powers the criminal… and then the hero and the hostage take sweet (kinky) revenge upon the criminal.
13. Loving couple/Pet: The couple will participate in normal couple-y activities, and of course pet ownership activities “lets take Rover out for a jog” and so on.
14. Victorian couple/Servant: In the Victorian couple one person will play the higher status “husband” type role, and the other will play the lower status “wife” type role (neither of these roles is of fixed gender) while the third party plays a servant, the “husband” can order around the wife and the servant, but mostly just orders around the “wife”, the “wife” will then take it upon themselves to order the servant to preform the duties the husband wants done, with the “wife” with authority to punish the servant for disobedience, and the “husband” with authority to punish the “wife”
15. Pimp/prostitute/client: Pretty self explanatory.

The QK Guide To: Breath Control Play

So, strangulation, suffocation, all of this stuff is breath control play.  All of this stuff is INCREDIBLY dangerous, and not just for the reasons you think.  Most of the deaths caused by erotic breath control situations are not caused by strangulation/suffocation itself, but of a massive heart attack about 15 to 20 minutes later, sometimes this can be the result of less than a minute of suffocation.  As well, over time lack of oxygen causes brain damage, and generally one wants to avoid that.  For these reasons, you actually shouldn’t actually cut off oxygen to the submissive.  

I repeat: DO NOT ACTUALLY STOP ANYONE FROM BREATHING.  DO NOT RESTRICT ANYONE’S ABILITY TO BREATHE.

For safe “strangulation” play put your hand above the hyoid bone (the adam’s apple), just under the jaw and press lightly upwards, the subject should be unable to vocalize as normal (though will usually still be able to talk, just not as loudly), but will still be able to breathe.  Make sure to communicate thoroughly during this sort of play with your partner, and make sure that they are still able to breath at all times. This is a nice way to give the feeling of vulnerability associated with strangling, and enjoy the power dynamic involved without having to do anything dangerous.  Do not EVER put pressure on the hyoid bone as it’s delicate and breaking it results in death.  As well the pressure should be light, the windpipe is delicate, and easily crushed, and crushing it results in death, and you don’t want that.  Also do be careful not to put pressure on the carotid artery (which runs down the side of the neck) as putting pressure on the carotid can cut off oxygen to the brain, which can cause unconsciousness, cardiac arrest and death, so yeah watch out for that.

Similarly, putting a submissive in a position where the dominant is in control of their oxygen intake, but does not actually remove their access to it can be a way to play with this as well, but requires great care.  For example, a rubber mask with a tube for oxygen access can be worn by the submissive, putting the dominant in a position where, were they to squeeze the hose shut, the submissive would be left unable to breath, but of course the dominant does not do so. This also requires clear communication during play, make sure a safety gesture is established, and watch for it closely.

Do not EVER put a cord around someone’s throat, it’s too hard to control, and too hard to gauge pressure applied.

There is simply no safe way to actually cut off oxygen to a human being, so don’t do it.  Really, the appeal of breath play is not actually the cutting off of oxygen, but the feeling of vulnerability, and that can be achieved without actually taking away the ability to breath.

I know some of you out there are going to insist on cutting off someone’s oxygen anyway, and normally I’d give you tips on how to do it as safely as possible if you absolutely must do it… but there’s no way to do this safely, or even any more safely.  So, generally, I beg of you, don’t do this.  It’s not safe.

An excellent article by an EMT on the subject

Another Nice Article On The Subject

Play safe out there.

The QK Guide To: Long Distance Fun

So, you’re travelling away from your partner, or maybe you’re in a long distance relationship, so what can you two do keep things hot while you’re separated.  

• There are internet enabled sex toys that allow a partner to control the other partner’s toy.  
• Have your partner take naughty photos in specific attire/poses/whatever and send them to you.
• Have them masturbate on the phone with you, or on webcam.  If you’re feeling evil, make them get to the point of orgasm, and then deny them.
• Send naughty text massages, or text message them orders (for example, order them to masturbate while at work)’
• Tell them exactly what you’re going to do with them when they get back with you.  In fact plan a scene together, discuss location, what toys to use, premise.  Being apart often means you both fantasize more, and the phone is a great medium for discussing fantasies because it’s sometimes a little easier to tell them what you want when they’re not looking at you.
• Two words: Chastity belt
• Make sure they keep their pubic area groomed as you prefer it, even if you are apart, it’s good to keep in the habit.
• Make them bring back a new toy or outfit from where ever they’re visiting.
• Dictate when they wake up and go to sleep
• Dictate what they eat, nothing like having to call to find out what’s for lunch to remind a sub of their submission
• Give them an assignment like “write an essay on what you want me to do to you when you get home”
• Deny them orgasms until you see them again
• Deny them some article of clothing (like underwear) until they return.
• Have them call to ask what to wear in the morning.
• In your alone time practice with your floggers, or master a new skill, surprise your lover with it when you see them next.
• Buy a toy for them online, instruct them on how to use it.
• Write the first paragraph of an erotic story, have them write the next, etc.
• Have them pretend to be a phone sex operator who has to entertain you and keep you on the line.

Fun Idea Of The Day: Fishing

So, in this idea you handcuff the submissive to the bed, and thread a cloth ribbon through the key and dangle it over the submissive’s mouth, making them “jump” to get at it, you can raise and lower the key to tease them, but be careful of their teeth with the metal key, and make sure that when you do finally let them bite down on it, they grab the ribbon not the key itself (otherwise they’ll be in for a world of hurt and possibly a trip to the dentist) they can then be release, or you can amuse yourself watching them try to get the key to their hand to unlock the cuffs.  Do take care to make the ribbon long enough, and to keep a firm hold of it so your bottom can’t choke.

- Idea by Mistress Vonka

The QK Guide To: Wax Play

All you little pyros out there like fire, right?  Yeah, but I’m assuming your partner prooobably doesn’t want to be burned at the stake, no matter how hot it would be (I apologize for that pun).

So, what’s a fire loving sadist to do?  The obvious answer, wax play.  Wax play is the practice of dripping hot/warm candle wax over a submissive’s body.  It produces intense sensations during the application itself, and after the removal of the wax, the skin is hyper sensitive and responds beautifully to many forms of stimulation.  Obviously, this is a practice that requires some care to avoid burns to the submissive (and you don’t want to burn your submissive, it’s a risky injury and often very bad painful) so here’s how to do it properly:

1.  Get the right materials: Think carefully about the candles you’re going to buy.  You don’t want bee’s wax candles, or firm pillar/taper candles, beeswax burns very hot, and pillar and taper candles have hardening additives that make them burn hotter.  You should also avoid a lot of scented/colored candles not designed to be used on the body, because they contain chemicals that aren’t designed for contact with human skin and will produce irritation.  Ideally, your candles should be paraffin or soy based candles, come in little tins (votive style candles are good) and either unscented and colorless, or designed for human skin.  You should not use candles with metal flakes for sparkle, or too many chemical additives as they can increase the heat of the candle and cause burns.  Parraffin wax burns at a relatively low tempature 115 to 145 degrees) Soy wax burns slightly hotter (120 to 150 degrees) but that’s fine.    Don’t use candles manufactured outside the U.S. (because they may contain… awful things) don’t use gel candles, don’t use animal fat candles.  Ask your submissive about allergies and look carefully at the ingredients in candles

2.  Prepare the area:   Wax makes an effing mess when scraped off, and it’s hard to get out of linens.  So for your adventure with wax, you’ll want to put down a drop cloth, plastic sheeting, or a tarp, generally it’s also best done on a table rather than a bed (less combustable).  You should also have a cool cloth on hand to cool the skin in case of burns, and you really shouldn’t generally gag your submissive during wax play, as it’s a very communication based activity.   Remove any notable flammable materials (no big stacks of newspapers and what not).  It’s good to have a fire extinguisher handy, and make sure to have something on which to wipe your hands should they get sticky.

3. Prepare yourselves: If your submissive is hairy you might want to have them shave the area where wax is to be applied (to avoid ouchies during removal… unless you’re into that sort of thing) or if you prefer them hairy apply a little oil to the area where wax is to be applied, I recommend jojoba oil myself, as it’s very natural and absorbs well into the skin, and is unlikely to cause breakouts.  Don’t wear clothing you care about (this would be a good time for everybody to be naked, or to wear those thrift shop finds you bought to cut off your sub).  Also don’t wear products that contain alcohol (body sprays, certain hair products) and you both should tie back long hair for obvious reasons.

4. Take your damn time: Wax play is not an activity to rush, apply a layer of wax, let that cool, apply another layer, so on.  Make sure you’re not putting very hot wax over still pretty hot wax, or you can risk insulating the heat too much and injuring the sub.  You can vary the height from which you drip wax, the higher up the cooler, the lower down the hotter (so be careful), you’ll also want to be particularly careful on sensitive areas (genitals anyone?).  Give the sub time to react to each drip, and so on.

5.  Remove it right: There are several ways to remove wax from skin, but it’s usually best to start by hardening it up with a ice cube (it provides a nice dual sensation too), after that you can pick it off… or more efficiently (and erotically in my mind) use a tool to scrape it off.  You can use a blunt (not dull, blunt) knife, like a letter opener, a palette knife or certain Athames (I have the Spider Athame from amazon which I use for knife play).  You can also use a plastic scrapey tools, though those aren’t as sexy if you ask me.  You can get the last little bits with a loofa or bath scrubby.  To get wax out of hair, a flea comb or teasing comb is generally the best method (but generally you don’t want to get wax in hair).  Some dom/mes use a whip or flogger to remove wax, though I find this method inferior for two reasons, firstly, it’s messy, wax gets everywhere and secondly, you get wax all over your flogger (and floggers aint’ cheap) and it’s not easy to get out once it’s there.

6. Have fun.

Here are some reccomended candles on EdenFantasys (these are mostly very low burn candles):

Other resources:

BDSM Wax play: Candle makers

Wax Play: Another in depth article on wax play

Erotic Sensations: Sellers of specialized wax play candles.

Silent Vampire Online Crypt: A place with a very silly name that sells BDSM goods.

Fun Idea Of The Day: Gender Blender

This is a fun idea for female bodied couples, or couples featuring a female bodied person and a male bodied person (provided the male bodied person is comfortable with their genitalia).

If you’re both female bodied, both of you strap it on, make sure your bottom is wearing a two strap style harness (as opposed to a jock/thong style) for genital access, proceed to fuck the bottom in whichever orifice appeals to both of you (I prefer it in my vagina, but butt sex works well here too), jack off the bottoms strap on, and generally play as if they’re male bodied… it makes for an interesting dynamic.

If you have a male bodied top and a female bodied bottom… well obviously the top doesn’t need to strap it on, because… well yeah.

Role-play Idea

Prim victorian/wandering gypsy.  Mmmm, corrupt-y.

Fun Idea Of The Day: Titty Whipping

I know it looks ridiculous, but seriously, if your partner enjoys breast sensation, flog, spank, or paddle their titties… I strongly, strongly recommend it because it feels incredible.  You can also lightly smack other sensitive parts (genitalia) it does generally feel lovely.