Queer Kink

A practical and philosophical guide to real life BDSM for LGBTQs.
~ Monday, March 7 ~

Menage Au Trois: Some Roleplay Ideas For Three

Now, this isn’t a poly focused blog, it’s poly friendly, but it’s not generally a blog about poly. I’m not poly (my partner and I are sexually open, but we don’t have other relationships) and so don’t feel qualified to write about it generally, however having had a reasonable amount of experience with menage au trois (or more) I decided to come up with a list of roleplay dynamics for three people (largely these will be gender neutral)

  1. Teacher/good student/bad student: The teacher can punish the bad student with the help of the good student, or the bad student can “abuse” the good student raising the ire of the teacher.
  2. Puppeteer/Marionettes (or director/actors): The puppeteer can force the marionettes into lewd acts together, manipulating as they wish.
  3. Nanny(or parental figure)/little/toy: The nanny can “give” a player as a toy to a partner playing the part of the little, the resulting exuberant energy and play make for an interesting dynamic.
  4. Royalty and servant: two dominants take the role of royals and the third party takes the role of servant, the two dominants can both make conflicting orders for a fun mind fuck or simply take terms castigating the “ill behaved” servant.
  5. Slave Trader/Slave/Potential Buyer: The slave trader can show the submissive off, putting them through their paces, and the buyer can put them through a humiliating “inspection” type process
  6. Rockstar/manager/groupie: The rockstar can laise around being irresponsible/ordering about the manager, while the manager delivers the groupie to the rockstar and has to order the groupie about/gives the groupie orders to better please the rockstar.
  7. Animal/Animal groom/Animal’s Owner: The groom is put in charge of the “animal’s” maintenance, making sure the animal stays where its supposed to/looks neat and tidy/is fed at the risk of punishment by the owner.  The groom can be given authority to punish the animal, or the owner can be over protective and dote upon the animal and not allow the groom to punish it.  The animal of course can behave in a difficult manner and make life hard for the groom.
  8. Dungeon Owner/”victim”/Ghost: In this scenario the dungeon owner is torturing a helpless victim, but there’s a “ghost” in the dungeon.  The dungeon owner and the victim pretend they cannot see the ghost, and the ghost can do whatever it likes, helping the victim, by perhaps untying their bonds, or hiding toys from the dungeon owner, or cause the victim pain, by doing things like insulting the dungeon owner, thus encouraging them to inflict more pain upon the “victim”
  9. Doctor/Nurse/Patient: A kinky doctor and nurse preform a variety of evil procedures upon a reluctant patient.  The nurse obviously assists the doctor in doing whatever the doctor wants.
  10. Aliens Probing a victim: Aliens from outer space conduct research upon a subject.
  11. Doll/Dollmaker/Customer: The doll is almost finished however the customer has some custom specifications they want on their toy, the doll maker enacts these upon the doll.  You might do tight lacing, temporary or permanent piercings, or similar modifications for the purpose of play.
  12. Criminal/Hostage/Hero: The scene starts with the criminal molesting the hostage, this can go on as long as the players should like, but then the hero bursts in with a toy weapon, the hero over powers the criminal… and then the hero and the hostage take sweet (kinky) revenge upon the criminal.
  13. Loving couple/Pet: The couple will participate in normal couple-y activities, and of course pet ownership activities “lets take Rover out for a jog” and so on.
  14. Victorian couple/Servant: In the Victorian couple one person will play the higher status “husband” type role, and the other will play the lower status “wife” type role (neither of these roles is of fixed gender) while the third party plays a servant, the “husband” can order around the wife and the servant, but mostly just orders around the “wife”, the “wife” will then take it upon themselves to order the servant to preform the duties the husband wants done, with the “wife” with authority to punish the servant for disobedience, and the “husband” with authority to punish the “wife”
  15. Pimp/prostitute/client: Pretty self explanatory.
Tags: kink BDSM threeways Roleplay role play ideas ideas fun ideas LGBTQ BDSM fetish queer kink LGBTQ BDSM queer BDSM BDSM activities activities
84 notes
~ Tuesday, February 1 ~

By request, this is an explanation of how I masturbate now. It’s completely changed the experience. For someone as dysphoric as I am, it’s a life-changer.

Ummm, indeed it is.  :-)

Reblogging this for those who wanted to know what I was talking about. Pay attention to the part that says, “Girl cock can be very sexy. But for women who are dysphoric, masturbation can be uncomfortable and traumatic.”

Great idea.  ^_^


By request, this is an explanation of how I masturbate now. It’s completely changed the experience. For someone as dysphoric as I am, it’s a life-changer.

Ummm, indeed it is.  :-)

Reblogging this for those who wanted to know what I was talking about. Pay attention to the part that says, “Girl cock can be very sexy. But for women who are dysphoric, masturbation can be uncomfortable and traumatic.

Great idea.  ^_^

(Source: amydentata)

Tags: mastrubation trans transgender LGBTQ sex sexuality
1,018 notes
reblogged via oyveyzqueer
~ Friday, January 21 ~

The QK Guide To: Breath Control Play

So, strangulation, suffocation, all of this stuff is breath control play.  All of this stuff is INCREDIBLY dangerous, and not just for the reasons you think.  Most of the deaths caused by erotic breath control situations are not caused by strangulation/suffocation itself, but of a massive heart attack about 15 to 20 minutes later, sometimes this can be the result of less than a minute of suffocation.  As well, over time lack of oxygen causes brain damage, and generally one wants to avoid that.  For these reasons, you actually shouldn’t actually cut off oxygen to the submissive.  


For safe “strangulation” play put your hand above the hyoid bone (the adam’s apple), just under the jaw and press lightly upwards, the subject should be unable to vocalize as normal (though will usually still be able to talk, just not as loudly), but will still be able to breathe.  Make sure to communicate thoroughly during this sort of play with your partner, and make sure that they are still able to breath at all times. This is a nice way to give the feeling of vulnerability associated with strangling, and enjoy the power dynamic involved without having to do anything dangerous.  Do not EVER put pressure on the hyoid bone as it’s delicate and breaking it results in death.  As well the pressure should be light, the windpipe is delicate, and easily crushed, and crushing it results in death, and you don’t want that.  Also do be careful not to put pressure on the carotid artery (which runs down the side of the neck) as putting pressure on the carotid can cut off oxygen to the brain, which can cause unconsciousness, cardiac arrest and death, so yeah watch out for that.

Similarly, putting a submissive in a position where the dominant is in control of their oxygen intake, but does not actually remove their access to it can be a way to play with this as well, but requires great care.  For example, a rubber mask with a tube for oxygen access can be worn by the submissive, putting the dominant in a position where, were they to squeeze the hose shut, the submissive would be left unable to breath, but of course the dominant does not do so. This also requires clear communication during play, make sure a safety gesture is established, and watch for it closely.

Do not EVER put a cord around someone’s throat, it’s too hard to control, and too hard to gauge pressure applied.

There is simply no safe way to actually cut off oxygen to a human being, so don’t do it.  Really, the appeal of breath play is not actually the cutting off of oxygen, but the feeling of vulnerability, and that can be achieved without actually taking away the ability to breath.

I know some of you out there are going to insist on cutting off someone’s oxygen anyway, and normally I’d give you tips on how to do it as safely as possible if you absolutely must do it… but there’s no way to do this safely, or even any more safely.  So, generally, I beg of you, don’t do this.  It’s not safe.

An excellent article by an EMT on the subject

Another Nice Article On The Subject

Play safe out there.

Tags: BDSM BDSM safety BDSM activities kink kinky activities kinky sex sexuality sex advice safety the QK guide to health Breath Play LGBT lgbtq lesbian lesbians gay gays bisexual trans transgender Trans* queer queers homosexual homosexuality queer BDSM choking strangling
815 notes
~ Saturday, January 8 ~

The QK Guide To: Electrical Play

Now, electricity is dangerous, it can cause burns, death, and lots of other nasty things, but when used properly with the right tools electricity can be sizzling hot.  Now there are plenty of different toys for electrical play, and I’m going to tell you all about them.

The Toys:

  • Violet Wands: Originally a medical device these are a versatile toy based in static electricity that employs tesla current, which is a heat creating current.  It can cause burns if used in certain ways, which can be done intentionally but should only be used for this purpose by an experienced user.  Depending on the probe and the intensity setting it can go from mild tingle to “Holy mother of god, OW.”  The smaller the probe the more intense the flow of current.  The violet wand is the only electro-toy considered safe for use above the waist.  Interestingly they can also be used with a wide probe on low intensity on the face to combat acne.
  • TENS Units: These are medical units, they produce a variable amount of current and are battery powered.  Don’t use it above the waist.
  • Eros Tek Toys: These are like TENS units but with bells and whistles, variable stimulation patterns, and attachments including the ability to create your own patterns using voice or music.
  • Extreme Restraints: Suppliers of various BDSM e-stim toys, definitely a fairly nice selection.
  • Electra-Stim: Another BDSM e-stim supplier.
  • Sextek: Suppliers of Eros Tek boxes and lots of fun attachments.
  • Attachments: A lot of the BDSM specific e-stim units have a variety of attachments you can buy, look carefully at the materials before buying insertables (materials discussed here) always buy toys made from nice safe materials and only use attachments designed to be used with your particular e-stim box.

General Safety Tips:

  1. Read the damned manuel, read it thoroughly and listen to it.
  2. Watch out for body piercings and metal in the body.  If your honey has a metal plate in their leg, for goodness sake, don’t zap that leg.  Don’t zap piercings or near piercings, because you will likely hurt someone.
  3. Unless otherwise noted in the description of the toy, or specifically stated by the manufacturer, these are not to be used above the waist, hearts are delicate things and you DO NOT want to fuck shit up there.
  4. People with pacemakers or heart problems, and pregnant people are not good candidates for this type of play.  
  5. Unless otherwise noted by the manufacturer don’t get this stuff wet.  Cause yea.
  6. Only insert attachments into the body designed for insertion into the body.  Yep, I had to say that.
  7. Again, I cannot stress this enough, READ THE MANUEL.
  8. Have first aid for burn care handy.
    Tags: Safety BDSM e-stim electro electrical play kink fetish D/s sadism masochism sadomasochism dominant submissive LGBT lgbtq GLBT queer Lesbian gay queer bisexual electricity kink kinky BDSM activities fun toys electro-stim
    44 notes
    ~ Thursday, December 16 ~

    QK Recommended Guide Books

    So, because I can’t cover everything, since lord knows I’m not an expert on all practices within, I wanted to give some suggestions on books on BDSM and sex that I really love.

    BDSM/Fetish Books:

    Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon

    Fetish Sex by Violet Blue

    Fantasy Made Flesh By Janet W. Hardy

    Wild Side Sex by Midori

    Two Knotty Boys Show You The Ropes by Dan and JD

    The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book By Janet W. Hardy

    The Compleat Spanker by Lady Green

    Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus By Christina Abernathy

    Books on sex in general:

    Moregasm by Rachel Venning, Claire Cavanah, and Jessica Vitkus 

    Tags: books bdsm sex kink fetish S&M sadomasochism LGBT lgbtq GLBT lesbian gay bisexual bondage domination submission discipline D/s domme dom submissive dominant information resources
    10 notes
    ~ Wednesday, December 15 ~

    The QK Rules For Being A Good Kinkster

    So, recently I’ve been hearing a lot of debate on SSC/RACK and what defines “safe” and how to deal with people in the scene who’s doing things that are unsafe.  Here are my rules for being a good kinkster.

    1. A good kinkster knows how to use their tools and minimizes risk as much as they can while still doing whatever activity it is they want. E.G. They get someone to teach them how to properly use a bull whip before using a bullwhip and get in enough practice.  
    2.  A good kinkster is aware of the risks in whatever the activity they’re involved in and don’t down play them to new partners. E.G. They warn people about the potential effects of electrical play above the waist, and do not minimize the risk involved. 
    3.  A good kinkster never does anything truly non-consensual, and they stick within the pre-negotiated terms. E.G. They don’t dress up as a clown when their partner says clowns are a hard limit. 
    4. A good kinkster cares about the emotional and physical well being of their partner more than they care about getting off. E.G. If someone is in distress they will end the scene and provide appropriate care.

    By following these rules you’re far less likely to hurt someone seriously, or be an utter douchebag.  Follow the damn rules kids.

    Tags: BDSM kink fetish safety BDSM safety kinksters kinky sex sexuality queer lgbt lgbtq glbt lesbian gay bisexual queer BDSM queer Kink rules
    23 notes
    ~ Friday, December 10 ~

    The QK Guide To: Kinky Holidays

    Now, I’m a third generation Atheist, but damnit I do love Christmas, and all those other awesome solstice based holidays.  I personally celebrate Christmas (or Santa day) as my family has done for genorations, because we think that Santa is the personification of all the best parts of human nature, a distillation of goodness if you will, and we like taking trees indoors and decorating them.  You however may celebrate some other holiday, yule, winter solstice, the ever popular Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Diwali (which is a holiday I think is pretty awesome), Eid ul-Adha, Yalda, Festivus, or one of numerous other holidays that falls around the winter solstice and celebrates the return of light (or something similar).  Whatever it is you’re celebrating, it often involves gift giving (unless it’s Festivus, in which case this guide will be useless to you, also I’m fairly sure Hanukkah is over, sorry about that) and so I’ve created this little guide to make that easier, as well on a few tips on having a sexy holiday

    Gift Guide

    First of all you’ll want to consider your relationship to the person.  Are they a scene friend?  A casual play partner?  Your dominant?  Your submissive?  This will help determine A: how much you spend, and B: What exactly you get them (for example you wouldn’t buy your dominant a collar generally).

    Next you have to consider what they like, and their anatomy.  Vagina having painsluts probably won’t generally have a lot of use for CBT devices, and dominants who aren’t into pony play probably don’t need that horse tail butt plug.  If your sweetie has a fetish, their fetish object is often a good way to go, reward a shoe fetishist with a pair of amazing pumps, a latex fetishist with latex gear, and so on.  Also if you have a significant other and you want to splurge on a gift, the holidays are usually an expected time to do this.

    Gifts for Subs:

    • If you’re a romantic dominant, you can buy your sub a collar, or a pet style tag with “If found, return to *your name here*”
    • If your sub is a kitty or puppy, buy them an appropriate toy, a big chewy bone or a mouse with a bell ought to make them happy.
    • Buy them something sexy to wear for you.
    • If you’re feeling mean a chastity belt can be a great gift.
    • A lump of coal is always hilarious if you feel they’ve been naughty, if they’ve been nice, sex toys.

    Gifts for Dom/mes:

    • A really nice new flogger, paddle, or crop is usually appreciated
    • Vagina having dominants who like strapping it on will be thrilled with a fancy new harness or dildo.  
    • New restraints are also usually an instant winner.
    • Much like subs, dominants like sexy outfits too.
    • A key to something (your chastity belt, restraints, the lock on your collar, whatever) can be quite romantic and symbolic.
    • As always, sex toys are a good option.

      Stocking Stuffers:

      Candy cane G-spot or P-spot vibrator made of tempered glass with swirled texture in white and red colors.A sex kit that includes: a water-based lube and a TPR cock ring.Gold vibrating duckie in a holiday ornament.

      Full body red satin bow for dressing upLeather handmade wrist restraints with elegant designCurved dildo made of tempered glass.

      Do’s and Don’ts Of A Kinky Holiday:

      • Generally, don’t spend over $25 per holiday themed sex toy, because you aren’t going to use a candy cane shaped dildo the rest of the year
      • Do only give kinky gifts where you’ll know they’ll be appreciated.  Also don’t give them to your family, you’ll just creep everyone out.
      • Don’t use wax from the menorah as for wax play, because the wax of taper candles burns too hot.
      • Do engage in as much Santa/Elf roleplay as you want, but do it in private.
      • Do make DAMNED sure the receivers of your naughty gifts do not open said gifts in front of their family.
      • Don’t buy expensive custom made fetish wear as a gift without being super sure of their sizes
      • Don’t tie your partner to the Christmas tree (or Festivus pole)
      • Don’t come out to your family during the holidays, it’s spotlight stealing and not a nice thing to do.
      • Do do reindeer play instead of pony play to get yourself into the spirit. 
      • Don’t do scenes outdoors in cold climates during the holidays, testicular frostbite is not festive.
      • Don’t use christmas lights for bondage.
      • Do use nipple clamps with bells attached.
      • Don’t call your lover’s pubic hair “A Hanukkah bush”
      Tags: Holidays kink BDSM fetish gifts The Qk guide to LGBTQ LGBT queer lesbian gay
      7 notes
      ~ Wednesday, December 8 ~

      The QK Guide To: Finding A Partner

      So, you want to find a play partner, fuck buddy, a sweetheart, or a potential permanent mate, and you need them to be kinky?  Cool, you’ve just made it a whole lot harder to find a suitable date, but never fear the QK Guide to Getting A Date is here.

      1. First, figure out what you want.  Do you want kink all of time?  Some of the time?  Just now and then?  Exactly what are your kinks?  Are you a dominant, a submissive, a switch, or a fetishist uninterested in D/s? What gender/s are you attracted to?  What kind of a relationship are you looking for?  What are some of your needs in a partner?  What are your kinks?  What are your limits?
      2. Remember that if you’re looking for anything more than someone to play with a few times, you’re going to need to be more than sexually compatible, even if you’re looking for a 24/7 relationship you need to go out to dinner and get to know the other person as a person, to see if you click as people as well as dominant and submissive.  Generally, it’s even best to feel out potential casual play partners before asking for play, because kink requires more trust than other forms of sexual behavior.
      3. Be realistic, being kept in a cage all the time and not holding a job is not realistic, and a dominant willing to do this to you is not a responsible or intelligent person.  You cannot live in kinkland 24/7 even if your relationship is 24/7, you will continue to do normal everyday things, like eating cereal and watching movies.  Involving yourself in BDSM does not magically transport you into the Story of O.
      4. Approach people as you would in a vanilla context, throwing yourself at a dominant’s feet, or demanding people you don’t know get on their knees is generally frowned upon.  BDSM is not a good way to find an easy lay.
      5. Now that we’ve got the “How not to be totally obnoxious” out of the way, there are a lot of places to look for kinky partners, local kink events (which you can find through websites like fetlife), fetish clubs (if you live in a big city there’s probably one in the area), websites (though a lot of these are filled with sucky wannabes), your friends within the community and even personal ads.  All safety rules still apply, meet new people in public places, don’t give out information about where you live and such before you establish trust, don’t let new people tie you up right off the bat, and so on.
      6. Be patient, finding someone compatible is hard if you’re queer, and harder if you’re queer and kinky, but don’t worry, someone will come along.
      Tags: kink fetish dating romance relationship relationship advice BDSM D/s dominant submissive etiquette The QK Guide To advice safety community Queer LGBT lgbtq lesbian gay dyke dykes homosexual homosexuality
      10 notes