Queer Kink

Queen Titania’s Guide To: Sensory Deprivation Play

Hello everyone let me introduce myself: I am Queen Titania, a gender fluid dominatrix. I am coming to you today to talk about one of my favorite activities. Sensory deprivation is the most unadulterated fun I can have in a session, and I hope I can give everyone a few ideas on how to have fun with it and then help put a dehumanization twist on it!

Sensory deprivation presents an extremely unique opportunity: the chance to instill fear in a bottom, slave or submissive without putting them in any actual danger. Successful sensory deprivation play is defined by theatrics and mental manipulation rather than physical pain or predicaments. In this one sided psychological warfare there is also an added element that few take advantage of, the ability to indulge in intense dehumanization scenes. Let us first introduce the basics of sensory deprivation before we indulge in those possibilities.

Terminology also becomes important as words like “it” and “thing” convey a sense of genderless objectification that can be very powerful, especially with the mindset this play creates. It can be taken in a different direction with the use of animal names; doggy, kitty, Fido, pig, ostrich, panda, etc. Knowing your partner is important here. If they have a major fetish for objectification, robot play, drone play or feeling like a “thing” you may want to go towards animal names, and vice versa. Why? Well, if turn them on and make them feel more like themselves that is hardly dehumanizing! However, worrying about such a minor detail is a bit silly unless you are completely serious about delivering the most dehumanizing mind fuck possible. Concern yourself more with choice insults and humiliating taunts to follow up your choice of terminology and remind the subject they are below you. Of course, you could also use silence. Whether or not you have chosen to take away the submissive’s hearing silence is powerful. A person is used to being talked to. They get uncomfortable when they feel they are being ignored.

The QK Guide To: Breath Control Play

So, strangulation, suffocation, all of this stuff is breath control play.  All of this stuff is INCREDIBLY dangerous, and not just for the reasons you think.  Most of the deaths caused by erotic breath control situations are not caused by strangulation/suffocation itself, but of a massive heart attack about 15 to 20 minutes later, sometimes this can be the result of less than a minute of suffocation.  As well, over time lack of oxygen causes brain damage, and generally one wants to avoid that.  For these reasons, you actually shouldn’t actually cut off oxygen to the submissive.  

I repeat: DO NOT ACTUALLY STOP ANYONE FROM BREATHING.  DO NOT RESTRICT ANYONE’S ABILITY TO BREATHE.

For safe “strangulation” play put your hand above the hyoid bone (the adam’s apple), just under the jaw and press lightly upwards, the subject should be unable to vocalize as normal (though will usually still be able to talk, just not as loudly), but will still be able to breathe.  Make sure to communicate thoroughly during this sort of play with your partner, and make sure that they are still able to breath at all times. This is a nice way to give the feeling of vulnerability associated with strangling, and enjoy the power dynamic involved without having to do anything dangerous.  Do not EVER put pressure on the hyoid bone as it’s delicate and breaking it results in death.  As well the pressure should be light, the windpipe is delicate, and easily crushed, and crushing it results in death, and you don’t want that.  Also do be careful not to put pressure on the carotid artery (which runs down the side of the neck) as putting pressure on the carotid can cut off oxygen to the brain, which can cause unconsciousness, cardiac arrest and death, so yeah watch out for that.

Similarly, putting a submissive in a position where the dominant is in control of their oxygen intake, but does not actually remove their access to it can be a way to play with this as well, but requires great care.  For example, a rubber mask with a tube for oxygen access can be worn by the submissive, putting the dominant in a position where, were they to squeeze the hose shut, the submissive would be left unable to breath, but of course the dominant does not do so. This also requires clear communication during play, make sure a safety gesture is established, and watch for it closely.

Do not EVER put a cord around someone’s throat, it’s too hard to control, and too hard to gauge pressure applied.

There is simply no safe way to actually cut off oxygen to a human being, so don’t do it.  Really, the appeal of breath play is not actually the cutting off of oxygen, but the feeling of vulnerability, and that can be achieved without actually taking away the ability to breath.

I know some of you out there are going to insist on cutting off someone’s oxygen anyway, and normally I’d give you tips on how to do it as safely as possible if you absolutely must do it… but there’s no way to do this safely, or even any more safely.  So, generally, I beg of you, don’t do this.  It’s not safe.

An excellent article by an EMT on the subject

Another Nice Article On The Subject

Play safe out there.

The QK Guide To: Kinky Holidays

Now, I’m a third generation Atheist, but damnit I do love Christmas, and all those other awesome solstice based holidays.  I personally celebrate Christmas (or Santa day) as my family has done for genorations, because we think that Santa is the personification of all the best parts of human nature, a distillation of goodness if you will, and we like taking trees indoors and decorating them.  You however may celebrate some other holiday, yule, winter solstice, the ever popular Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Diwali (which is a holiday I think is pretty awesome), Eid ul-Adha, Yalda, Festivus, or one of numerous other holidays that falls around the winter solstice and celebrates the return of light (or something similar).  Whatever it is you’re celebrating, it often involves gift giving (unless it’s Festivus, in which case this guide will be useless to you, also I’m fairly sure Hanukkah is over, sorry about that) and so I’ve created this little guide to make that easier, as well on a few tips on having a sexy holiday

Gift Guide

First of all you’ll want to consider your relationship to the person.  Are they a scene friend?  A casual play partner?  Your dominant?  Your submissive?  This will help determine A: how much you spend, and B: What exactly you get them (for example you wouldn’t buy your dominant a collar generally).

Next you have to consider what they like, and their anatomy.  Vagina having painsluts probably won’t generally have a lot of use for CBT devices, and dominants who aren’t into pony play probably don’t need that horse tail butt plug.  If your sweetie has a fetish, their fetish object is often a good way to go, reward a shoe fetishist with a pair of amazing pumps, a latex fetishist with latex gear, and so on.  Also if you have a significant other and you want to splurge on a gift, the holidays are usually an expected time to do this.

Gifts for Subs:

• If you’re a romantic dominant, you can buy your sub a collar, or a pet style tag with “If found, return to *your name here*”
• If your sub is a kitty or puppy, buy them an appropriate toy, a big chewy bone or a mouse with a bell ought to make them happy.
• Buy them something sexy to wear for you.
• If you’re feeling mean a chastity belt can be a great gift.
• A lump of coal is always hilarious if you feel they’ve been naughty, if they’ve been nice, sex toys.

Gifts for Dom/mes:

• A really nice new flogger, paddle, or crop is usually appreciated
• Vagina having dominants who like strapping it on will be thrilled with a fancy new harness or dildo.  
• New restraints are also usually an instant winner.
• Much like subs, dominants like sexy outfits too.
• A key to something (your chastity belt, restraints, the lock on your collar, whatever) can be quite romantic and symbolic.
• As always, sex toys are a good option.

Stocking Stuffers:

Do’s and Don’ts Of A Kinky Holiday:

• Generally, don’t spend over $25 per holiday themed sex toy, because you aren’t going to use a candy cane shaped dildo the rest of the year
• Do only give kinky gifts where you’ll know they’ll be appreciated.  Also don’t give them to your family, you’ll just creep everyone out.
• Don’t use wax from the menorah as for wax play, because the wax of taper candles burns too hot.
• Do engage in as much Santa/Elf roleplay as you want, but do it in private.
• Do make DAMNED sure the receivers of your naughty gifts do not open said gifts in front of their family.
• Don’t buy expensive custom made fetish wear as a gift without being super sure of their sizes
• Don’t tie your partner to the Christmas tree (or Festivus pole)
• Don’t come out to your family during the holidays, it’s spotlight stealing and not a nice thing to do.
• Do do reindeer play instead of pony play to get yourself into the spirit. 
• Don’t do scenes outdoors in cold climates during the holidays, testicular frostbite is not festive.
• Don’t use christmas lights for bondage.
• Do use nipple clamps with bells attached.
• Don’t call your lover’s pubic hair “A Hanukkah bush”

The QK Guide To: Finding A Partner

So, you want to find a play partner, fuck buddy, a sweetheart, or a potential permanent mate, and you need them to be kinky?  Cool, you’ve just made it a whole lot harder to find a suitable date, but never fear the QK Guide to Getting A Date is here.

1. First, figure out what you want.  Do you want kink all of time?  Some of the time?  Just now and then?  Exactly what are your kinks?  Are you a dominant, a submissive, a switch, or a fetishist uninterested in D/s? What gender/s are you attracted to?  What kind of a relationship are you looking for?  What are some of your needs in a partner?  What are your kinks?  What are your limits?
2. Remember that if you’re looking for anything more than someone to play with a few times, you’re going to need to be more than sexually compatible, even if you’re looking for a 24/7 relationship you need to go out to dinner and get to know the other person as a person, to see if you click as people as well as dominant and submissive.  Generally, it’s even best to feel out potential casual play partners before asking for play, because kink requires more trust than other forms of sexual behavior.
3. Be realistic, being kept in a cage all the time and not holding a job is not realistic, and a dominant willing to do this to you is not a responsible or intelligent person.  You cannot live in kinkland 24/7 even if your relationship is 24/7, you will continue to do normal everyday things, like eating cereal and watching movies.  Involving yourself in BDSM does not magically transport you into the Story of O.
4. Approach people as you would in a vanilla context, throwing yourself at a dominant’s feet, or demanding people you don’t know get on their knees is generally frowned upon.  BDSM is not a good way to find an easy lay.
5. Now that we’ve got the “How not to be totally obnoxious” out of the way, there are a lot of places to look for kinky partners, local kink events (which you can find through websites like fetlife), fetish clubs (if you live in a big city there’s probably one in the area), websites (though a lot of these are filled with sucky wannabes), your friends within the community and even personal ads.  All safety rules still apply, meet new people in public places, don’t give out information about where you live and such before you establish trust, don’t let new people tie you up right off the bat, and so on.
6. Be patient, finding someone compatible is hard if you’re queer, and harder if you’re queer and kinky, but don’t worry, someone will come along.

The QK Guide To: Travel For Kinksters

So, I promised you all a second segment on travel, so here goes.  Here are some travel tips for kinky queers.

Packing:

• As much as possible when it comes to air travel pack equipment that can be mistaken for other things.  For example a ping pong paddle, and cuffs that could be mistaken for a stylish bracelet.
• When flying never pack recognizable or embarrassing kink equipment in your carry on to avoid security check point embarrassment, or even potentially being detained.
• If you’re flying and worried about getting what you want on the plane with you, if you can ship toys ahead of time so they’ll be there when you arrive.
• Many items need to be packed in a hard shelled suitcase so that your toys don’t get mangled.
• If flying pack with the idea that your bags will be pawed through, pack accordingly.  E-stim equipment can be mistaken for a bomb… again pack accordingly.
• Make sure to pad/secure items so they won’t bounce around during transit.
• If you’re flying, remember to put lube in a plastic bag in your checked luggage because it’s a fluid, but it’s also susceptible to pressure changes and you don’t want lube all over everything.
• Make sure you have all your safety gear with you when you travel, including but not limited to bandage scissors, wound dressings, antiseptic and so on.

Vacationing:

• Check ahead about local attitudes towards LGBTQ people, and generally only travel to tolerant locals if you wish to be open about your orientation, for fairly obvious reasons.
• Think carefully about the where you stay, thin walls or the constant staff intrusions of a bed and breakfast are not conducive environments for play.
• Know the local laws pertaining to BDSM and be careful to stay within them (or at least be careful).
• Make sure you lock your equipment cases when leaving the room if the maid’s going to come in.
• Please don’t participate in sex tourism, no visiting third world underage hookers, wannabe mail order brides or any other easily taken advantage of people, it’s exploitive and certainly not safe.
• If you’re planning to buy toys in a foreign country make sure you know local safety regulations regarding them, as you don’t want to buy anything poisonous.
• On vacation all rules about safety and new partners still apply.
• Inquire about hotel’s policies towards LGBTQ people before booking, if visiting a bondage and breakfast you probably don’t need to ask.
• If you have children, you probably shouldn’t be taking them to a bondage and breakfast.

The QK Guide To: Wax Play

All you little pyros out there like fire, right?  Yeah, but I’m assuming your partner prooobably doesn’t want to be burned at the stake, no matter how hot it would be (I apologize for that pun).

So, what’s a fire loving sadist to do?  The obvious answer, wax play.  Wax play is the practice of dripping hot/warm candle wax over a submissive’s body.  It produces intense sensations during the application itself, and after the removal of the wax, the skin is hyper sensitive and responds beautifully to many forms of stimulation.  Obviously, this is a practice that requires some care to avoid burns to the submissive (and you don’t want to burn your submissive, it’s a risky injury and often very bad painful) so here’s how to do it properly:

1.  Get the right materials: Think carefully about the candles you’re going to buy.  You don’t want bee’s wax candles, or firm pillar/taper candles, beeswax burns very hot, and pillar and taper candles have hardening additives that make them burn hotter.  You should also avoid a lot of scented/colored candles not designed to be used on the body, because they contain chemicals that aren’t designed for contact with human skin and will produce irritation.  Ideally, your candles should be paraffin or soy based candles, come in little tins (votive style candles are good) and either unscented and colorless, or designed for human skin.  You should not use candles with metal flakes for sparkle, or too many chemical additives as they can increase the heat of the candle and cause burns.  Parraffin wax burns at a relatively low tempature 115 to 145 degrees) Soy wax burns slightly hotter (120 to 150 degrees) but that’s fine.    Don’t use candles manufactured outside the U.S. (because they may contain… awful things) don’t use gel candles, don’t use animal fat candles.  Ask your submissive about allergies and look carefully at the ingredients in candles

2.  Prepare the area:   Wax makes an effing mess when scraped off, and it’s hard to get out of linens.  So for your adventure with wax, you’ll want to put down a drop cloth, plastic sheeting, or a tarp, generally it’s also best done on a table rather than a bed (less combustable).  You should also have a cool cloth on hand to cool the skin in case of burns, and you really shouldn’t generally gag your submissive during wax play, as it’s a very communication based activity.   Remove any notable flammable materials (no big stacks of newspapers and what not).  It’s good to have a fire extinguisher handy, and make sure to have something on which to wipe your hands should they get sticky.

3. Prepare yourselves: If your submissive is hairy you might want to have them shave the area where wax is to be applied (to avoid ouchies during removal… unless you’re into that sort of thing) or if you prefer them hairy apply a little oil to the area where wax is to be applied, I recommend jojoba oil myself, as it’s very natural and absorbs well into the skin, and is unlikely to cause breakouts.  Don’t wear clothing you care about (this would be a good time for everybody to be naked, or to wear those thrift shop finds you bought to cut off your sub).  Also don’t wear products that contain alcohol (body sprays, certain hair products) and you both should tie back long hair for obvious reasons.

4. Take your damn time: Wax play is not an activity to rush, apply a layer of wax, let that cool, apply another layer, so on.  Make sure you’re not putting very hot wax over still pretty hot wax, or you can risk insulating the heat too much and injuring the sub.  You can vary the height from which you drip wax, the higher up the cooler, the lower down the hotter (so be careful), you’ll also want to be particularly careful on sensitive areas (genitals anyone?).  Give the sub time to react to each drip, and so on.

5.  Remove it right: There are several ways to remove wax from skin, but it’s usually best to start by hardening it up with a ice cube (it provides a nice dual sensation too), after that you can pick it off… or more efficiently (and erotically in my mind) use a tool to scrape it off.  You can use a blunt (not dull, blunt) knife, like a letter opener, a palette knife or certain Athames (I have the Spider Athame from amazon which I use for knife play).  You can also use a plastic scrapey tools, though those aren’t as sexy if you ask me.  You can get the last little bits with a loofa or bath scrubby.  To get wax out of hair, a flea comb or teasing comb is generally the best method (but generally you don’t want to get wax in hair).  Some dom/mes use a whip or flogger to remove wax, though I find this method inferior for two reasons, firstly, it’s messy, wax gets everywhere and secondly, you get wax all over your flogger (and floggers aint’ cheap) and it’s not easy to get out once it’s there.

6. Have fun.

Here are some reccomended candles on EdenFantasys (these are mostly very low burn candles):

Other resources:

BDSM Wax play: Candle makers

Wax Play: Another in depth article on wax play

Erotic Sensations: Sellers of specialized wax play candles.

Silent Vampire Online Crypt: A place with a very silly name that sells BDSM goods.

The QK Guide To: Kinky Vacations, Hotels, and Getaways Pt 1.

Alright so you and your partner want a romantic getaway, just like any other couple… except you’re not a het couple… and your idea of romantic involves whips , chains and thigh high boots (or similar) so where do you go? Well here I have complied a list of ideas for getaways for kinksters , including an extensive list of Bondage and Breakfasts around the world , and pervertible locations.

Destination Dungeons: These are not hotels where you can stay over night , you’ll have to get a hotel and then make them your destination for the day , they typically charge by the hour.

London Dungeon: Gorgeous dungeon available for overnight rentals , but there’s no place to sleep.

UK Dungeon For Hire: Apparently has the largest collection of rentable BDSM equipment in the UK.  Giant, features a kitchen and multiple play rooms.

Bondage and Breakfast: Small hotels, rental cottages, or bed and breakfasts with a kink friendly atmospheres.  These often provide fun toys for you to play with.  A hotel and dungeon in one.

La Domaine: A lovely BDSM chateau in upstate New York, with a well equipped dungeon.  There are also professional dominants available if you choose to go alone.

Twisted Cedar Estate: A delightful little bondage and breakfast located near Portland Oregon. They provide a lovely well equipped dungeon, luxurious accommodations , play space and photoshoot rentals, and numerous other services for the deviant. 

1763: A beautifully appointed dungeon in Atlanta Georgia, available for over night rentals.  

Warm Bunns: A bondage and breakfast in Ontario Canada.  Personally, I don’t love the look of the place aesthetically, but it seems clean and nice enough.

The Edge: A lovely cottage in Cornwall in the UK, with a beautifully decorated dungeon.  The woman who runs the place also runs BDSM workshops for newbies, couples and on various BDSM topics should that be of interest.

Ess and Emm: A bed and bondage in the UK with very well equipped. Not Great on the outside, but the dungeons are lovely.

LA Stay And Play: Gorgeous LA vacation accommodations with incredible play space.  Well worth it.  Gorgeous everything, gorgeous location.

Residenz Avalon: An incredible bed and bondage in Berlin, located in what used to be a Prussian Ammunitions factory.  Gorgeous accommodations and play space.

Casa Carisma: Beautiful house on the Italian Rivera.  Beautiful play spaces.  Seems absolutely lovely.

Hotel BDSM: Luxurious accommodations in the UK.  Many varied play areas, and very nice rooms.

Fetish Studio London: A beautiful apartment and play space, featuring a particularly attractive medical play room.

The House Of Two: A New Zealand bed and bondage, the dungeon is nicer than the accommodations.

The Gypsy Arms: Located in Seattle Washington.  Not my favorite in terms of look but the owners are apparently very sweet.

Camps, Cruises, and Such: BDSM/Fetish themed cruises and other such excursions.

BDSM Summer Camp: SISC runs a lovely summer camp for kinksters in Denmark

Dark Odyssey: Summer camp for kinksters.  Very queer friendly.  Located in Maryland.

Other Fun Hotels To Play In: Not specifically BDSM themed, these places are well suited to roleplay or other fun.

Chelsea Hotel: Gorgeous themed rooms, I’m sure you could have some interesting times here.  Located in NYC.

Liberty Hotel: In Boston, a luxurious hotel that used to be a prison. Awesome.

Propeller Island: Located in Berlin, features both a padded cell, a vampire room, a mirrored room and a cage room.

Fallen Angel: Unique themed rooms to make for interesting roleplay.  Including Edwardian Train, Ship’s Cabin, and other fun things.  In Durham North Carolina.

Magnolia Mansion: Features a vampire room, and a Moulin Rouge Bordello room, among other decadently themed room.

The Witchery: Lovely gothic victorian accommodation.  Located in Scottland

Cheap Rent By The Hour Motels: Ideal for playing hooker/cop, or other hooker involving scenarios.  Make sure you choose one in a relatively safe/queer friendly area.

Part Two: Travel tips for kinky queers.

The QK Guide To: Sex Toy Materials

So, sex toys are made out of a wide variety of things, and some materials are vastly superior to others.  I’m sure you could find this information yourself with a little research, but I figured it would be a good resource for everyone to have.  As well since most sex toy companies create the products under the classification of novelties in the USA, the materials are not as well regulated as you might think.

Sex Toy Materials From Safest to Least Safe:

Safest:
Silicone: Silicone is inert (meaning it releases no chemicals into you and will have no reactions with your body) and non-porous, meaning icky bacteria can’t crawl in there to live.  Bonus points if it’s anti-microbial (meaning it’s not even porous enough for viruses).  Silicone can be boiled for 3 minutes, popped in a soap free dishwasher or cleaned in a 10% solution of bleach.  It’s a bit more expensive but it’s a fantastic material and one of the ones I recommend most for sex toys.  Only use water based lubes with silicone toys (as silicone based lubes will melt the toys), and store each silicone toy separately from other silicone toys (I recommend keeping them in plastic baggies as they tend to attract dust).  It’s also hypoallergenic.  Basically, silicone is the safest of all soft materials.

Glass (pyrex or tempered glass): Glass is non-porous, can be boiled, and pyrex is resistant to temperature changes and holds a temperature well so it can be used for temperature play.  It’s compatible with all types of lubes, and hypoallergenic.  Glass toys should be stored in soft padded containers, because although they do not shatter, they can chip or crack if left with other hard toys, and if they become chipped or cracked they should not be used.

Stainless Steel: Non-porous, hypoallergenic, and compatible with all lubes.  Stainless steel can be steralized (you can boil it, bleach it (10% bleach, rest water, wash thoroughly with soap and warm water afterwards… as with all bleaching of toys), dishwasher it, and so on), make sure it’s surgical grade and you have a fantastic toy.

Very Safe:

Ceramic: Non-porous, and temperature resistant, compatible with all lubes and hypo-allerenic, less scratch resistant and more fragile than pyrex or tempered glass.  Do not use abrasive cleaners.  Wash with soap and warm water.  Do not boil.

Sterling Silver: Non-porous, compatible with all lubes, naturally somewhat anti-septic.  Can be boiled, or bleached. 

Aluminium: Compatible with all lubes, non-porous, retains temperatures well.  Wash with anti-bacterial soap and warm water.  Dry immediately after washing with satin or fine cotton cloth.

Stone: Stone is mildly porous, they contain no artificial chemicals and stone used in sex toys is usually lab grown.  They retain temperature well, are compatible with all lubricants (though sand stone is only compatible with water and silicone lubes).  Since it’s porous, don’t share these without a condom.  You can sterilize it in a 10% bleach 90% water solution, as always, rinse thoroughly and promptly after bleaching.  Dry immediately with a soft cotton cloth.

Intramed: Non-porous, hypoallergenic, can be cleaned in a 10% bleach solution, or with soap and warm water.  Do not boil.  Compatible with silicone and water based lubes.  Created by Rocks Off sex toys.

Elastomed: Non-porous, compatible with silicone or water based lubes (but not oil), and it can be washed with anti-bacterial cleaner and warm water.

Lucite (Aka: Acrylic): Non-porous, high density plastic, similar to glass.  Wash with warm water and soap, or sex toy cleaner.  Compatible with water or silicone based lubes.

Quite Safe:

Plastic: Non-porous, phthalate-free, smooth and firm. Compatible with water, oil, and silicone based lubes.  Clean with anti-bacterial soap and warm water, or wiped down with isopropyl alcohol.

Non-Porous TPR: Medical grade, latex free, and compatible with silicone and water based lubes.  Should be cleaned with soft soap and warm water.

Elastomer: Elastomer is slightly porous, and cannot be disinfected like silicone, but it is phthalate free, and doesn’t leach any nasty chemicals into your system.  You can share these toys if you use condoms (but not if you don’t), and they should be washed with warm water and soap between uses   Use with silicone or water based lubes.  

Velvet Cote Plastic: Velvety feeling, non-porous. Compatible with water and silicone based lubes.  Wash with anti-bacterial soap and warm water, or wipe down with isopropyl alcohol.

Kinda Safe:

Silicone-rubber composites:  Somewhat porous, and must be protected with condoms when shared or if used for multiple orifices.  Compatible with water based lubes.

Sil-A-Gel:  Sil-a-gel is anti-bacterial, but semi-porous, and prone to attracting dust.  Can be used with silicone or water based lubricants.  It should be protected with condoms and washed with warm water and mild soap before and after every use. It’s also non-toxic, and is free of cadmium and latex.

Superskin: What fleshlights are made out of.  Compatible only with water based lubes.  Rinse with warm water after use, DO NOT USE SOAP.  If it’s very tough to clean use a little isopropyl alcohol, always allow to dry before storing.  Dust with corn starch after cleaning, DO NOT USE TALC (which is carcinogenic).  Hypo-allergenic.  Not to be shared without a condom.

Not Safe:

Rubber: Porous, poisonous, and not good for those with allergies.  Clean with soap and warm water, compatible with silicone and water based lubes.  Don’t buy rubber toys.

PVC: Compatible with water and silicone based lubes, kinda poisonous, kinda porous.  Can’t be disinfected.  Not recommended for use without a condom.

Vinyl: Somewhat porous, use a condom, kinda poisonous.  Compatible with water or silicone lubes.  Wash with warm water and anti-bacterual soap.  

Skin like materials (Realskin, cyberskin, UR3, futurotic, softskins, softtouch, futurotic plus, pure skin, trueskin, techno-skin, private touch, sensafirm, passion skin): Extremely porous, use with condoms as they are highly prone to hiding dirt and germs.  These are extremely delicate, and some cannot even be washed with soap, but most can be washed with anti-bacterial soap and warm water.  After washing most of these should be dusted with corn starch to maintain their texture.  Only compatible with water based lubes.  Need to be stored in a cool dark place.  Fuckin’ divas.

Jelly Rubber (AKA: Jel-Lee, Aquagel, Satan): Contains toxic chemicals which leach into your body if used without a condom.  Porous.  Compatible with water and silicone based lubes… but evil.  Wash with warm water and toy cleaner.  Delicate, low end and evil.  Do not buy jelly toys.

The QK Guide To: Coming Out (About Your Kinks)

Those of you in relationships with more vanilla people may not have mentioned your kinky proclivities, and I know how hard bringing up the subject of fetish can be.  Lord knows in my earlier relationships I waited for ages and was nervous and awkward and so profoundly uncomfortable that my constant flinching, and attempt to crawls under the sofa to hide probably made them more uncomfortable than my bizarre but relatively harmless kinks.

So, how can you come out about your intense batman fetish without looking like an utter loon?  It’s simple, just take a deep breath and follow these simple DO’s and DON’Ts

- DON’T attempt to crawl under any piece of furniture while confessing your fetishes, no matter how tempting.

- DO be cool about it.  When the stakes are higher we tend to get more nervous and become awkward.  If you’re calm about it, they’ll be calm about it.

- DON’T make it a big deal.  This is similar to the last point, but seriously, this is the key to an effective confession.  If you make it a big deal, they’ll think it’s a big deal and will be far more likely to freak out about it, whereas if you’re casual about it, they’re far more likely to respond positively.  You’re not proposing marriage, you’re not asking for a kidney.  It’s not a big deal, and your kinks, although important, do not define you.

- DO be funny, if you make it charming and funny you can turn what could in some situations seem like a “creepy deal breaker” (to the unenlightened) into a “charming eccentricity”

- DON’T minimize the extent of your fetish.  If you know you really want to play astronaut on pastry chef, don’t say you’re curious about it, say you want it.  If you need your partner to call you “Duchess Wilkenthorpe the third” in order to get off, then by god, tell them you need them to call you Duchess Wilkenthorpe the third in order to get off, and you know what, that’s not a big deal.  Your kinks are probably not a big deal, if they’d swim oceans for you,  they’ll lick maple syrup off a hand mirror for you.

- DO take the initiative.  Once you admit your kinks and you want to get started playing don’t expect your partner to take the initiative.  Get the stuff you need to experiment with your kink.  Want bondage?  Keep handcuffs handy.  Want to roleplay?  Pick up the costumes, and so on.  Props are really helpful for nervous but willing partners (especially new dom/mes) because the prop gives them an idea of what to do.   As well, even if they want to do whatever it is with you, unless it’s their kink too, they’ll likely be shy about starting off, because even if you’ve explained the basic idea of your fetish, you probably haven’t explained your fantasy in enough detail for them to feel confident about their ability to do it right.

- DON’T go crazy with it initially.  So, you’re into latex?  Don’t go out and buy a full body suit with a full face hood immediately upon bringing up your interest in latex with your partner.  Start smaller, maybe a latex bikini or some latex pants instead.  Similarly, if you’re into puppy play, probably not a great start by asking to be fed from a bowl on the floor, perhaps start with dirty talk along the lines of “good dog”.  You need to ease them into it.

- DO have reasonable expectations.  If you’re partner’s a vanilla, and doing this because they love you, don’t demand 24/7 kink.  Make sure they get enough of whatever type of sex they like best as well.  Don’t expect certain really extreme kinks to be gratified in full.  If you’re into gang bangs and your partner isn’t, role-play with dildos may be a better option than actual gang bangs.  If you’re into being cut, try a whartenburg wheel, and so on.

- DON’T ignore their comfort level, if they’re truly uncomfortable with an activity don’t force the issue starting out.  You want their first experiences with kink to be good ones, so they’ll want to continue.

The QK Guide To Public Stimulation

So, one of the most fun things to do especially if you’re into humiliation, is to go out with the sub, while the sub is somehow being discreetly stimulated, and there are number of ways to do this depending on the anatomy of the submissive, and your personal preference.  Ideal toys should either vibrate or stimulate the submissive as they move, constantly reminding them of arousal to come. You may also want to test the vibration levels and size of toys at home to make sure they are small enough to wear out for a few hours, and won’t cause discomfort or irritation rather than pleasure.

Toys For Vaginas:

- Ben Wa Balls (or similar toys)

These are personally, in my relatively limited experience… awesome.  They’re basically a little pair of balls with a weight that moves around inside each one when you walk/move, etc.  Most come with a little connecting chord and a removal chord.  I find them very pleasurable, and they double as a way to help strengthen the PC muscles.

- Remote controlled vibrators 

These little guys have the potential to be a lot of fun, however most of them are less than well designed and feature infuriatingly little capacity to actually be used remotely.  They also tend to be a bit pricy, make sure you test drive these before you buy them. 

Toys For Anal:

A note on anal, although I have researched the subject extensively I personally do not enjoy anal stimulation, and this is the product of research and the opinions of others, not personal experience.  Also due to the necessity of a wide base for retrieval you may want to be careful about the submissive’s ability to sit down properly.  Generally, as the anus isn’t designed to be penetrated anal toys should not be left in as long due to safety concerns.  You should also make sure to primarily use anal toys made out of silicone that can be sterilized if you’re not planning to cover them with a condom.

- Anal beads

Make sure the beads are small/squishy enough to remain comfortable for long term wear, and the retrieval chord is wide enough to prevent them from disappearing and requiring a trip to the emergency room.  Also silicone beads connected by silicone are generally preferable as they’re sturdier and can be sterilized.

- Plugs

Finding the right plug is similar to to finding the right beads,however as they tend to be larger and less flexible they can’t be left in as long.

Toys For Penises:

Before I get started on the phallic toys let me point out that they tend to create erections, which can be problematic when discretion is a concern.

- Cock Rings

Vibration is a better choice than tension for extended wear, as you don’t want to cut off circulation to the penis, but you’ll want to make sure to avoid anything that will look awkward under clothes.

Other Toys:

- Vibrating Undergarments: These seem like a good idea but they’re usually a hint on the noisy side, and so are best for loud environments, like nightclubs.

- Nipple Clamps: Provided the submissive is wearing a suitably baggy top these can be very enjoyable (tight tops will reveal the clamps) however they’re preferable for a quick run to the store, or other quick activity rather than a night out as they tend to